Recently I have been having conversations of how people suffer or complain about their current relationships. Some can be as petty as not calling more then once a day to not being caring enough or even him being a complete "batu or kayu".
This then brings me back to my thinking box. What does a relationship mean?
For me a relationship means 2 person getting together and each being able to fulfill the other person's needs either emotionally, spiritually or even materially. A relationship is about 2 person understanding each other as they move along the winding road we call life while supporting each other along the way.
So what makes a successful relationship?
The success of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it meets the need of two people. If you are happy and contented while your partner is not, that would mean you have not done enough to fulfill your partners needs. If your partner is contented but you are unhappy, then your partner have not done enough to fulfill your needs. Lets all be frank, everyone has needs in their lives. Some of the needs cannot be procured alone and has to be given by the other. For example, we can pamper ourselves with tender loving care but we yearn for tender loving care by our loved one's. So it is important for both parties to know what is needed to fulfill the needs of the other. Tell each other what makes you tick.
A lot of people would complain that their partner do not understand them or do not know how to please them. If that's the case, isn't it your responsibility to TELL your partner what you need? There should be no hesitation to ask or tell the other on what makes you tick. Isn't life about self exploration after all? Do not expect your partner to mind read you. We humans are not able to do such things. Unless you ask or tell, no one would really know what you need. So both should be proactive in understanding the needs of one another in order to build a successful relationship. Do not complain to people that he is not doing enough...TELL HIM/HER.
So here you go, my formula for a long lasting relationship. Of course this is a personal view, so follow at your own risk!! haha
8 comments:
sometimes 100% honesty between couple is very hard. u can be totally honest with your best/good friends, but not your another half. this is my experience.
Well, maybe i am a perfectionist in that sense. I believe that your other half should also be your best friend as well. Both should be open to each other.
Its actually when one try to hide things to one another that problem occurs (ie. insecurity, mistrust etc).
Just my 2 cents.
Some points over there! Great tips. Simple yet many couples have forgotten it. And agree with your opinion. My bf always say "tell me what you want" when we have some sort of "cold war". haha
sometimes being dishonest is not coz u want it, but u have to take very good care of the other party's feeling.
have to admit that some true words are really hurting, no matter what means u take to express it.
just my point of view :)
cant believe im reading your blog now despite you asking me to read it ...months back? LOL anyhow, for this topic.. hmmmm no comment le.. cause im never successful in relationship. cheers. :P
Apple,
Yeah, all man will say that when they are stuck. We are the kayu and batu of human nature after all (not all lah but most!). =P
Haan,
Probably I am westernised in this sense. I do not mind criticism from my other half, in fact I encourage that. Of course you may feel a bit uncomfortable when you first hear the comment but it gives you an idea on what you should do. Sometimes there is a valid explanation for what you did that she might not like and on hearing that it may clear the air.
What you said is completely valid for some guys. I know some male friends that are very sensitive. So I guess be truthful but do it in a careful yet subtle way?
Ivy,
Yeah! You should have visited me earlier. As punishment, you will have to comment on each and every one of my coming blogs for the next 6 months =P
No one is ever a failure in a relationship. Broken relationships are considered lessons in life that you bring over for an even better relationship to come. Think of it that way ya.
Finally, you invisible MSN kah? Never see you online. Tsk Tsk Tsk. You getting too popular =P
Some people think "If you love me, you'd understand who I am and I don't have to say what I really feel out loud". Total BS lah. Unless the couple have wireless connections to their brains maybe.
Successful relationships, apart from solid communication, greatly depends on kindness and mutual respect. Kind enough to listen. Kind enough to refrain from being too judgmental. Kind enough to accept their flaws.
Speaking of needs, sometimes one's lover cannot accommodate some of one's needs. I'm talking about physical and emotional needs here. Open relationships can fill in the gaps and heck, may be the catalyst for lovers to improve themselves. It can get complicated, believe me. But with honesty and truth, it can improve the quality of the relationship.
And this comes from a 21y.o. who is in a 4yo relationship with a man who agreed to make it an open one.
But that's us. Different strokes for different folks. ^^
I do very much concur on mutual respect. This is something very important.
Reminds me of a quote that I posted on my blog last month
"Love isn't about finding a perfect person. It's about seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
Thanks for your comments. Its been very constructive.
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